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<title>Early Mornings Aren't the Same With out You by Nullum_Nocte_10</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295886">Early Mornings Aren't the Same With out You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nullum_Nocte_10/pseuds/Nullum_Nocte_10'>Nullum_Nocte_10</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Horns - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Random &amp; Short, Recovery, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Short One Shot, Smoking, Stand Alone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:48:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nullum_Nocte_10/pseuds/Nullum_Nocte_10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set in an Au where Lee didn't hit Merrin hard enough to kill her, only enough to cause her severe memory loss. Due to this, he decided to keep her trapped in his apartment. After Ig kills Lee for the, "murder" of the love of his life he skips town as there was nothing left for him. Merrin is found during the polices search of Lee's apartment and isn't told much of what happened. </p><p>This is a peak into her life two years later having just gained her memories of Iggy back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Early Mornings Aren't the Same With out You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wrote this little drabble when I was sad, sent it to a server I'm in then I decided to clean it up and post it for this pretty niche fandom. I say fandom but it appears you all are non-existent at best. Was I the only one who seemed to like Horns, (the movie, hadn't had the pleasure to read the books yet) or are all of you hiding??? I might just have to write more so I can fill up the tag here on AO3.... Not like I have anything else to do during quarantine.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun barely touched the sky, she sat on the stoop of the apartment complex watching the darkened sky. It was three in the morning but she had nothing else to do, she wasn't starting her job until next week and she didn't want to deal with the boxes that sat unopened in her apartment. Her fingers curled around the warm coffee cup, one of her new favorites, sea green with mermaids swimming around. The words, 'women make waves' painted boldly blue across the side. Maybe if she read those words enough times she could believe she could be one of those women.</p><p>The chilly wind nipped at her nose, though still she stubbornly sat on the stoop in her pj's. Her fuzzy slipper covered feet tapped against the concrete, that mainly being the only sound besides the buzzing of the light overhead. The little bunny ears on her slippers flopped around with each tap, which she watched transfixed for a while. There was nothing for her to do but to stare at her slippers, or stare into the darkened street below and think of the possibility of what she had lost. </p><p>She had been given a lead. It would have been so easy to call the radio station that night just to see if it was her Iggy. She almost snorted at that thought, her Iggy? As if it could be anyone else, who else went by the nickname Iggy? No one else had that voice of his, smooth low and sweet, how it made her insides flutter and heartbeat so fast it's as if it would leap right out of her chest. </p><p>But, she froze.</p><p>She couldn't explain it, how with shaking hands she looked up the phone number for the new radio station that he worked at, went through the motions of typing the radio station's number in. It was one finger press away, Iggy, her Iggy was one number away. Instead, she set the phone down on the kitchen counter and went to her bedroom. She crawled into bed going to he far corner, back up against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees, back hunched. She had sat like that for hours, curled up in that little corner of her bed unable to stop the tears. (She was never a pretty crier, then again who was?) Face red, blotchy, snot-nosed and grimy, she cried, sobbing loudly and without care who heard her. She cried so hard she thought she'd throw up, thought that she'd cry so hard she could die from it. Sleep hadn't come easy to her after everything that had happened, and it didn't then, she'd fallen into a fit of restless sleep. Memories, dreams, mixed into spectacular nightmares, rough hands encircling her wrists, hot breath fanning across her face as she shivered from the cold. Her voice played like a broken record player, "no" </p><p>"No" </p><p>"NO" </p><p>"nonononon nO NO NONNONONONNO!"</p><p>She screamed out with all her might, "NO DON'T TOUCH ME- I ONLY LOVE IGGY!" into the darkened face of a man she thought was a friend. A man who she had trusted. Who Iggy had trusted.</p><p>She shook her head, feeling disgusted from her very core, at herself, at- at him. She didn't need to guess who the nightmares shadow of her dreams had been, not anymore. Especially not after she had gotten parts of the story from Terry after having managed to sneak away from her dad's watchful eye to speak with him. Terry had been the only one to be fully honest with her in those few chances she got to speak with him. Everyone else? No- No one else had told her everything, fearing she'd break. Maybe they thought it was better for her, that she couldn't remember anything. Maybe they thought amnesia was a gift from god. God blessing her so she wouldn't have to relive through that night in techno color like others before her had to go through. </p><p>She thinks the memory loss is worst. An event that made her forget the love of her life wasn't worth it. She rather live through the horrors of life twice over then forget Iggy.</p><p>Taking a sip of her coffee she swallowed, ( it didn't warm her like it should it just made her feel numb), before setting it down next to her on the second step. The lighter and pack of cigarettes were something new, having sat and taunted her from the gas station counter until she bought them. She wasn't a habitual smoker, but in the early morning light, trying to fight with her insomnia and the echoes of his voice in her head... Nothing was wrong with one little smoke, not when a thousand thoughts were going through her head. Cigarettes would keep it occupied, even if it didn't last. A few clicks, a small whisp of flame, then a puff of smoke mixed with the warm breath that appeared in the cold air. She messed up, somehow someway, with him. She never got the full story of just how she messed up from Terry either, it was the one thing he seemed tight-lipped about. Her dad didn't help by chasing him off with his gun once he found them out. She knew something had been wrong, how heartbroken he looked when he spoke of Iggy leaving town and not knowing where his little brother went.</p><p>Taking a deep breath she let the smoke curl around her lungs, once more. She craned her head back to look up into the dark sky, a few stars still twinking up ahead, before blowing it out. She didn't want to let go of him, but did she deserve him in the first place? She loved him with her entire soul, she knew he loved her too. But that was the old her, the old Merrin that didn't feel like she was always missing a part of herself.  The old Merrin who wasn't broken, damaged goods and it was more than just the memory loss that- that Lee had inflicted that made her that way.</p><p>Could he still love her? </p><p>She wasn't sure if she could still love herself.</p><p>The smoke cleared a single silent tear trailing down her cheek. She wanted him more than she ever had. She didn't have that right to his heart anymore, he'd gone off and gotten a new life without her. She knew deep down that he'd never have left if he knew she was alive, but she refused to think it. This was his new chance of life, a life where he wasn't witch-hunted by the whole town, a chance where he could find a love and happiness outside of her.</p><p>Merrin Williams had given up the right to his heart when she had forgotten him.</p><p>Merrin Williams was also selfish.</p><p>It was with another, softer sigh that she turned to look at her apartment door from where she sat and think, maybe...</p>
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